BY & FOR BOY MOMS EVERYWHERE

There are so many milestones I’ve had to navigate with my son. From his first steps to his first day of school, each moment has been a mix of pride, joy, and, honestly, a little sadness at how quickly he’s growing up. But nothing prepared me for the announcement that he has a girlfriend.

It’s a strange, almost bittersweet feeling – so he’s growing up and connecting with people. Then, I immediately panicked – I hope he doesn’t get too close.

The Nail Biting Phase…

When he first told me he had a girlfriend, I could see how excited he was. And I knew it took a lot of courage on his part. He knows that the last thing I ever want to think about is him growing up, but I wondered what this all meant for and to him.

I tried to stay calm but it was hard. I nervous laughed and bit my nails while asking more about who she was and what he thought boyfriends and girlfriends did together. His responses were all very innocent: play together a lot, share toys, and be nice to each other on purpose. He’s 8, so that’s a perfect answer!

What If She Hurts Him?

Then, my heart went to — who is this girl? And is she going to hurt his feelings?

Rejection is something all kids have to deal with at some point, but if they were in the same class — which he said they were — I was worried his hurt feelings would ruin his school experience too.

I talked to moms of older boys. They all promised me that he’d survive. And a little rejection is inspiring. How he recovered from it (if and when it happened) would be a teachable moment about feelings and friendships, they assured.

I remain a little skeptical.

But I did call her parents and we talked about keeping each other informed if we hear about anything going south. Luckily, I’ve got that working in my favor.

A Little Jealousy, Honestly

I’m not ashamed to admit it: I feel a little jealous too. Let’s not go too Shakesperean, but it’s the kind of jealousy that comes with realizing that another person has his attention, his affection, and is now a part of his life.

I also love that he’s experiencing these new emotions and new connections. Everyone says boys need to learn vulnerability and relationships of consent earlier and earlier in life, so this is when the rubber meets the road.

Setting Boundaries and Talking About Expectations

I know I need to keep the lines of communication open, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. My goal isn’t to control the situation but to ensure he’s navigating it with maturity for his age and respect for himself and others. So, I’ve made sure to have honest conversations with him about boundaries, consent, and healthy relationships. We’ve talked about safe touch and not safe touch-even if someone asks. Holding hands is ok, but private parts off limits! Hugs are ok but no kissing. Luckily, at his age, I can still put the fear of God into him and he wants my approval.

I’ve also tried to do my part. We go to the playground together (with the girlfriend and her mom), and we’ve agreed to homework play dates more than I normally would agree to. Here we are…

Finding the Balance

So, how am I managing all of this? Slowly, and with lots of reflection. I remind myself that he’s growing, and this is all part of that growth. He’s not really dating, I have to remind myself.

This is a childhood crush. And how I handle it now may affect how much he trusts me with even more serious relationships- friendships or amorous.

In the end, I want him to be happy and I think this relationship makes him happy right now. When it no longer sparks joy, he knows he’s got his loving family to lean on. Until then I’m learning patience and observation–two things I haven’t yet explored in my mothering journey with him.

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Tips for Navigating Your Son’s Relationship, Depending on His Age

While every parent’s experience is unique, here are some tips on how to handle your emotions and guide your son through his first relationships, depending on his age:

For a 5-Year-Old:

At this age, “girlfriends” are often more about friendship than romantic relationships. If your son mentions a girl at school, it’s likely that they’re just best friends. It’s important to encourage positive friendships, teach him the importance of respect, kindness, and communication, but keep the focus on fun and shared activities. Let him know it’s okay to have close friends of any gender, but don’t overthink it—at this age, it’s still about learning social skills and empathy. Thank God this is where we are.

For a 10-Year-Old:

By 10, kids start to show interest in more structured friendships and may refer to certain friends as “girlfriends” or “boyfriends.” At this stage, the relationships are still innocent and are more about companionship than anything romantic. Your job is to keep communication open. If your son brings it up, ask about his feelings and the friendship. Be sure to explain boundaries, such as respecting others’ personal space and feelings. Encourage healthy communication and model how to be a good friend.

For a 15-Year-Old:

This is where things start to get real, and it’s normal to feel more emotional as your son starts navigating more serious relationships. At 15, relationships can be more intense, and it’s important to have honest conversations about what it means to be in a healthy, respectful relationship. Discuss trust, setting boundaries (especially around sex and sexual touch), mutual respect, and how to handle emotions like jealousy or conflict. You may feel like you’re losing your “little boy,” but remember, you’re still an essential part of his support system. Be open, listen without judgment, and give him the space to make his own choices while gently guiding him with your wisdom.

No matter your son’s age, remember that growth takes time. Adjusting to the idea of him being in a relationship is an emotional process for both of you, but with open communication and support, you can guide him through it.